Networking: Overcoming your mental roadblocks
Networking: a word that can incite excitement in some and anxiety in others. Even in the age of online networking platforms like LinkedIn, the topic of finding and creating connections can be a nail-biting one. In fact, I often don’t even use the word “networking” with a client until we have spent some time talking about how it feels to the person to connect with other people.
Reluctance to reach out can arise because people feel inauthentic, selfish, or weak if they ask for assistance. That’s understandable if one only reaches out during times of need or crisis. But if we shift our thinking and actions to be more symbiotic, we become much less uncomfortable, recognizing that the connections we build can be reciprocal over time or can lead to paying the favor forward when one is in a position to help.
The fact is, reaching out to someone you haven’t touched base with in a while is rarely unwelcome. As long as you remain polite and gracious, you will seldom receive a negative response from a connection, even if they have become a distant one. They may even be relieved to hear from you, because they’ve been feeling guilty about having lost touch.
My clients often do need my help in crafting a proper message for reconnecting. Although it’s wise and useful to maintain connections when things are going well, it’s easy to let that slide until you “need” to reach out, such as during layoffs and reorgs. Clients therefore often feel vulnerable reaching out, asking “What do I say?” or “How do I explain why I’m getting in touch now?”
It’s also often hard to grasp the abundance of connections we actually have. Clients tell me that they “don’t know anyone,” imagining that only certain kinds of people can be helpful. I catch them off guard by asking, “who cuts your hair?” Barbers, hair stylists, and other service providers have the opportunity to chat and get to know their clients. Typically they know people in a wide range of industries and roles. Not only do they gain insight into different companies and organizations, they may even be willing to connect you to other clients, with permission of course. There is seldom “no one to reach out to.”
Sending that message or making that phone call to a connection will only make your connection with them stronger—which is one of the goals of networking, after all. At our core, humans enjoy being needed. I would even go as far as to say that it shows a level of respect and trust toward your connection. By asking for their assistance or insight, you’re signaling that you value their knowledge and professional standing. People usually respond generously to an ego boost.
The next hurdle I often have to work through with clients is that they are reluctant to ask for help. Even people who don’t hesitate to ask for advice on roofers, appliance purchases, or leisure activities can feel vulnerable and uncertain when it comes to professional networking, especially if they are looking for a new job. To overcome this hesitation, and to combat the nerves that often come with it, I encourage my clients to practice having these conversations with me and then again with people they trust. I encourage people to be specific with their ask, which makes it easier for the other person to realize that they do in fact know someone at a specific company or in a specific line of work, so they feel more able to be of help. After all, when someone asks you for information or advice, you probably feel more confident answering a question like, “Can you tell me a good park for a picnic?” than “What should I do this afternoon?” Listing specific companies you would be interested in working for or a short list of jobs you’d like to see yourself in is a great way to ensure that you are getting useful recommendations, and it makes the other person feel better as well.
Over my years of coaching and consulting, it’s become clear that the biggest hindrance to successful networking is one's mindset. With good coaching and lots of practice though, the mental roadblocks that slow you down can be overcome. Send me an email to get started on a more confident and fruitful networking experience today.