Some decisions are so urgent that you need to make them quickly, yet so significant that you can’t make them in haste. That’s especially true when you need to decide whether to stay in a situation or leave it as soon as possible. That might happen when there’s an abusive environment or a demand that you take actions you consider unethical or immoral. Waiting to decide risks damaging yourself or others through violence, moral injury, emotional trauma, or harm to your health, so you must choose fast, even when the necessary actions require deliberate planning.

At such times, your values are your best anchor. They keep you grounded and attuned to what’s happening, and they protect you from the inertia of “analysis paralysis” or of rationalizing that “things can’t get any worse.”

Your values provide stable guidance. How you apply them will vary with the circumstances, which may themselves be volatile. Focusing on your values gives you confidence and determination as you act.

I’ve been thinking especially about situations at work where you feel an unmistakable tug on your spirit - “I can’t stay here.” That’s the sign that something urgently needs to change, even if you don’t yet know what the necessary change might be. The likely options are:

Resigning, publicly or quietly, with or without another job lined up
Negotiating a change in the circumstances
Protesting, potentially in concert with other people
Whistle blowing

Any of these actions can have serious consequences, which might include being without income for a while (which in the US usually means losing health insurance), losing potential references and network connections, losing touch with colleagues, loss of unemployment insurance coverage, and/or retaliation by your employer or outside parties. By consulting your values, you can assess and face these risks with more confidence and less regret about the choices you make.

Negotiation is often a valuable first step, whether towards a resolution or as a data gathering exercise in your quest to determine the best action to take. Be forewarned, though - negotiating for change may damage some relationships, although it might strengthen others. It may not bring the change you want, yet making the effort will help you assess whether the other side negotiates in good faith. That knowledge becomes an invaluable part of your decision-making process. For example, trying to negotiate with someone who has chosen you as a scapegoat or an example is unlikely to be effective, but it may gain you a little time to plan. Likewise, if your efforts at negotiation or conversation are met with threats or heightened demands, you know you have to act based on your values, whatever the power dynamic may be.

If you even suspect that you are in any of these positions, it’s wise to take basic steps to protect yourself: Lock down your credit information, double-check your privacy controls, make sure you know how to reach key people even when you lose access to internal communication channels, assess your personal finances in preparation for a possible unemployment period, reach out to people you trust to support you emotionally, logistically, or financially. Any “I have to leave” situation will involve grieving what you are losing, including the belief that you were working with trustworthy people, so be sure you reach out to people you really can trust. Talking with them will help you recognize that you are making the only choice you can live with.

As you go through this decision-making process, it’s helpful to distinguish between moral values and the preferences that help you choose an employer or role. For example, working hours, commute length, size of organization, whether you are a manager or an individual contributor are all preferences, which do matter in terms of whether you have a good fit and can do your best work. They may also overlap with personal values about spending time with family, your level of risk tolerance, or the environmental sustainability of a commute. Preferences can be subject to compromise. Violating our values, on the other hand, causes deep distress, moral injury, and loss of our sense of self. When we are uneasy or uncertain, it’s wise to revisit our values to identify what’s troubling us and whether we can compromise or need to hold our ground.

It’s also important to recognize that your moral values are personal to you. Even though most people would probably agree that such things as honesty or fairness are important, each of us understands and prioritizes these values in individual ways. In other words, each of us has our own definition of ethical conduct. That’s why it’s essential to decide for yourself. I believe that your own body will tell you when you are at risk of acting against your values. One useful inquiry is to stand up and say out loud what you are being asked to do. Listen to how the words come out and notice how your body feels. If an action is aligned with your values, even if it is an uncomfortable action, your voice will likely be clear and strong and your body will feel comfortable and awake. This might happen in a case where you need to give an employee a negative review or to tell a long-time vendor that their product is no longer needed. On the other hand, if you are being asked to hide important information or to do damage to people who stand in the way of increased profits, your voice is likely to falter or to drop in volume, you may feel a pit in your stomach or tears gathering behind your eyes, your muscles may tense or sag, and you may even involuntarily step back as if to hide.

Another way to check whether you are anchored in your true values is to imagine describing the situation to someone you deeply respect. What do you imagine saying? How will you feel? How do you believe the person will respond? Be sure to choose someone you genuinely respect, which can be an interesting values question in itself, since some “authority figures” impress people by intimidation rather than inspiration.

Your best decisions can only be reached when you are grounded and attuned to what is actually happening. Connecting to your values is thus an essential part of the decision making process. If you are unclear about exactly what your values mean, it is likely that you won’t feel grounded or whole. Even if you are afraid of what ethical, values-based action might lead to, you will recognize that you face a choice of whether to betray your values or stand by them. In order to move forward in a situation with your ethics and wellness intact, you need to allow the anchor that is your values to work for you, not against you.

I’m always interested in hearing from you. Please send me your responses to this article, forward these thoughts to others who may benefit, and let me know if I can support you in important decisions.

Using Your Values in Critical Career Moments

Fruitful Hypothesis